A couple of weeks ago, I had an annual check-up with some of the medical team I am under the care of. During the meeting, the subject of the future and advanced care planning was brought up. I was given some information about medical procedures that I may want to consider undergoing in the future, and it caused me to feel anxiety and stress. They started to give me details of advanced care planning, which entailed a discussion of topics such as feeding tubes, tracheostomy and resuscitation. All of these subjects were scary to broach and as I have not often been someone who looks forward too far, being faced with potential future problems was slightly upsetting, more so than I thought it would be.
As Duchenne muscular dystrophy is a progressive disease, issues that come with it are inevitable so the described ideas and procedures were not much of a surprise to me, but they were still very worrying nonetheless. Because I had gone into the meeting not expecting the conversation, it probably hit harder considering just how significant having these medical procedures can be to your life. Perhaps the biggest source of anxiety is thinking about the choices. Making decisions about what to put your body through is a really big thing, especially when you are healthy currently. The ball is put firmly in your court and you must make the ultimate decision. Also, there is no definite timeframe for problems to arise, so ‘when’ becomes another factor as there is no way to predict the future. Thinking about “what ifs” and “when shoulds” can be a lot more difficult than one would think. I would not usually consider myself as an anxious person, and even though there was no pressure on me to make any decisions there and then, it certainly gave me a sinking feeling and it was still slightly hard to hear having not thought too far ahead as a usual matter of course.
The discussion was to give me more information about my future. Having that information is useful in order to make informed decisions and I definitely do see the benefit of talking about future issues in good time, before they become a problem. Also, making sure your wishes are set out properly in case they are needed is important too, for myself and others. Having said this, I think it is very important to approach certain subjects with a large amount of sensitivity and it is also important not to make people feel like they have been ambushed in anyway.