‘You don’t do handshakes then?’

I have heard this question, or certainly a version of it, a few times but have never really been able to give a good answer without feeling uncomfortable and embarrassed. When meeting people for the first time, there is often that awkward moment when someone sticks out a hand and waits for a shake (that I know isn’t coming), only to give a slightly bemused look after a long pause and a silence, as if to say ‘oh, he doesn’t shake hands’. By the time that awkward pause passes it feels too late to explain that I physically cannot. In those moments, I still find it difficult to articulate a simple phrase that the reason I can’t shake your hand is because my hands and arms don’t function properly.

Due to the weakening of muscles and shortening of tendons caused by Duchenne, your hands tend to curl up and lifting your arms becomes very difficult, impossible in my case. It wouldn’t take long to explain this to people and is something I should try to work on, but the situation remains very awkward and slightly difficult because some seem to assume you’re being impolite. I want to show confidence when meeting people and worrying about a physical greeting can knock that.

Despite this, there are some people who will unashamedly grasp whatever part of my hand they can but this is very rare and takes you by surprise. However, I definitely do not feel like people need to do this and I would certainly hope that nobody would be offended by just a verbal greeting. There are definitely other simple things that could be done in place of a handshake for those who can’t.

To give an example, I was very glad that at my graduation ceremonies Swansea University was incredibly accommodating in arranging for there to be an alternative to a handshake when I received the award on stage. Having the vice-chancellor take off his cap to me instead felt very special and removed any anxiety about having an awkward handshake moment.

I my experience, I feel that people are usually very thoughtful and conscientious towards people with disabilities, so shouldn’t feel put off if someone with a clear physical disability doesn’t shake your hand because in all likelihood they would if they could. This is definitely how I feel, I would love to greet people with a handshake and a physical interaction but unfortunately it’s impossible for me.

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